måndag, april 28, 2008

The Flow State is a partial Surrender

To enter flow requires an act of surrender.
You surrender to the limitations brought about by the goal and the rules of the game.
You also surrender all the rest of available games in favour of the one, single game you are currently playing.
You have to surrender all the games you can not win and also all the games that are too easy to win - if you want to enter flow.
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Die to Live - The Eternal Wisdom of the Mystics

Surrender the future!
That is all you need to know in order to awaken. From that follows everything else. The need to label your experience falls away - if there is no future there is no need to know what things mean, if they will lead to pain or pleasure. The need to conquer entropy in the mind by finding the right goal to concentrate on falls away without future. Every experience becomes filled with a quality that is unknown in a mind operating in time, it gets filled Wonder, Sacredness, Wholiness.
More specifically it is the need for the future moment/moments that is to be surrendered, or sacrificed. Yeah, SACRIFICE THE NEED FOR MORE FUTURE (or sacrifice the need for more - period) if you sacrifice the need for more future every other need follows and dies.

Pragmatically - it is a mental suicide. It does not mean that you stop making plans or having goals and dreams. You can have them and act on them, but it becomes an acting like in a play. You see that it is a play and you see that we are all actors acting out a script. The big question in coaching - whether we write our script the way we want or act out scripts written for us- IS NO LONGER THAT IMPORTANT - which means we can start taking control if we like. But in a theater play, everybody doesnt write their own script. There is a play writer, a director and so fort, why schould everybody act screenplayers and directors??

Its much more crucial to see that it is a play, and why it is a play. It is a play since its all driven by the future which in itself is completely imaginary - unreal. Waking up to reality is waking up to the Now.

Ask yourself - can i die now. And if you were to die now, lets say you have 30 seconds, how would you experience your last 30 seconds. I find it gets sacred. Its a complete relaxation, a complete opening.

When there is no future pain becomes sacred.

Die to live

As long as you believe in the future you cant surrender
"No Future" is the hallmark of sacredness / holiness.
The Now, including but trancending past and future is a completely different dimension of reality. It is reality with a capital R. The time dimension is fictional and dreamlike.
The Now is Sacred.

Three Awakenings

First Awakening
To rewrite the Egoic Script
For a lot of people the first awakening is to see that they act from a script written by their parents, teachers, the media and the culture as a whole. Hence the first epiphany is to ask, what if the script could be rewritten by ME, ME ME ME. Its the egoic awakening. The enlightenment of the ego.
Anthony Robbins would say that whithout this first, egoic awakening, people can never start to contribute beyond themselves. Maybe he is right. Contribution and care, increasing care has to be written into my egoic script as a first step. The same with gratitude, if you dont excercise gratitude you cant have the abundance you need in order to contribute. You must have something to share.

The second Awakening
To rewrite the Global Script
Then comes the second awakening, to see that WE as a family, community, planet are acting from a script - take for example Consumerism, so that you see how all of our individual dreams and hopes in fact are programmed in to us, we think that its MY dream to earn a million dollars and spend them on beautiful things when we in fact are doing exactly what the capitalistic system lead by the global corporations wants us to do.

That is the second awakening and its includes and transcends the ego.
Question is if we can skip the first awakening and go directly to a ''global'' awakening. We have to let go of our egos in order to move on towards the global awakening. If the ego is too messed up its very hard to let go. But we must not get stuck in the endless "fixing-the-ego-trap". We must be willing to ask new questions in order to open up to new perspectives that we need to experience. Without new perspectives we will never heal / fix our egos.

The third awakening
Leaving the stage to walk out in the Real World
Why going on with the play when we can leave the theater? Being able to leave the Theater is ultimate freedom. That is ascending towards the formless.
But you can also choose to join the play, that is compassion, that is descending into form.
Why would you choose compassion, the way of the Boddhisattvas? Dont everybody deserve this freedom, ascending freedom and descending compassion, eros and agape.??

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onsdag, april 23, 2008

Freedom from the Ego is situated in the right brain hemisphere

Watch this video with Brainscientist Jill Bolte Taylor!! - it's the most fascinating account of Nirvana I've ever come across. It makes it so much easier to disidentify with ego.

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måndag, april 14, 2008

A Violin In The Silent Source

How can I bring my two passions together? Meditation a violinplaying. I think I will bring my violin into the sacred silence of my meditationpractice and just see what happens. Could become something to share with others as well. Instrumentalists bringing their instruments into meditation is not too commonly seen.
I think a way get started is to spend 5 minutes or so listening to music by Deuter. Deuter is a master a getting form reflect the formless, sounds reflecting silence.
Because that is vision my violinpractice and performing should serve - letting sounds reflect silence.

söndag, april 13, 2008

I don't want to release the Tiller

I am not my ego (I skip the definition of ego for now) and that is nothing but a direct experience. It’s not a belief, not a dogma. I know it!
So far, so good.
This part is the easy part. I am aware of my ego, how it suddenly gets hurt or inflated or any of all its reactions. So, the ego is an object in my awareness. I have known this since November 2004 when I had my first Satori-exerience in a Nukunu-retreat.
But the strange thing is that I move away from this insight all the time. It’s like I cant embody it. I can’t live this insight. Or maybe I dare not.
So what’s the implications of knowing beyond any doubt that I am not my ego.
It means I am free from my ego which sounds great I think. But is it so great after all?
The ego is a conditioned mechanism and acting from the ego’s viewpoint means to be absolutely predictable. If you only get to know how this ego-mechanism is programmed, what drives it, you can predict every behaviour…. Almost.
And seeing this, you start to ask the one, fundamental question at this point –
What is behind the ego?
Behind or beyond or inside or above or beneath?
I have found one characteristic – it’s not something you can control.
And I think that is the explanation why I move away from this realization again and again. I mean, don’t we all know this, that we are not our egos? It’s the most easy thing to realize since you can observe it directly and with the help of the simplest form of logic you can conclude that you must be something other than your ego. We all know this, and the number of people who opens themselves to this insight increase every week thanks to Eckhart Tolle and Oprah Winfrey and their TV-program about the book, the New Earth.
But seeing this is frightening. At first it’s maybe liberating since you get a sensation of expansion, of not being trapped any more, of being free to do what you want.
But this insight is not about you or me. Sorry.
I might be wrong but after 4 years of struggling with this insight, not coming anyware I finally start to intuit what it is about. And one thing I know. It’s not about me, or you.
What do I mean?
You see, one of our most cherished beliefs about our selves is that we are in control of our lives. The very structure of the ego is about just that, finding ways to avoid pain and gain pleasure. Like a radar. And that’s fine. Nothing wrong with that. The center of the ego sits there holding tight onto the tiller trying to steer the ship towards islands of pleasure, avoiding the dangerous reefs of pain. That’s the whole ego game.
But transcending ego means releasing the Tiller. There is no way to transcend the ego and keep trying to steer the ship.
It’s about trust.
Thy will be done, not my will.
And that’s scary. That is why I go in circles around this whole spirituality thing. I want to release the Tiller and at the same time I am terrified. They say releasing the Tiller can never be a choice you make. You have no choice. Hmm...

lördag, april 12, 2008

I can't answer the question!

Morpheus: The Matrix is everywhere. It is all around us. Even now in thisvery room. You can see it when you look out your window. Or when you turn on your television. You can feel it when you go to work. When you go to Church. When you pay your taxes.It is the world that has been pulled over your eyes to blind youfrom the truth.

"Remember that all I am offering is the truth. Nothing more."You take the blue pill and the story ends.You wake in your bed and you believe whatever you want to believe."

"You take the red pill and you stay in Wonderland and I show you how deep the rabbit-hole goes."

Waking up is not a choice as clear and definite as the Wachowski brothers wants us to imagine in the Matrix films. But something is happening on my path right now that makes me think of this famous scene. I can also hear a voice, but it's not the voice of Morpheus, it's one of my own voices and it is very persistent with this one question.

Do you want to step out of your dream?

I can hear a voice repeating this question in my head over and over again. And the voice is not tolerating anything but the naked truth. I can’t fool this voice by saying things like – “well, it’s like I have already kind of stepped out of the dream, it’s more about getting stabilized in this new dimension of reality”. The voice in my head wont listen to that kind of bullshit, - “hey, get real”, it will say, “don’t try to fool yourself! Do you want to step out of your dream or do you want to improve your dream a little, make it more comfortable, more joyous?”
When I hear that voice, and that happens many times a day, I get a feeling that it’s over. It’s game over.
My spiritual journey have reached a point where there is no more turning back. There is not even time to rest and pretend I am not on a journey. I guess this sound pretty dramatic and in a way it is. It’s not an external drama with big important decisions to make. No, its an internal drama that might or might not have implications in the external domain of my existence. That’s exactly the point, it’s not about trying to manipulate the phenomenal world in a way that will give me more pleasure and less pain. It’s about 100% letting go, it’s about the big surrender. If pain comes let I come, if pleasure comes, let it come. What does surrender mean? I remember my first retreat with Nukunu, the first time I met the spiritual teacher Nukunu. He met another student and asked him – “have you surrendered yet?”. I remember thinking it sounded like just the kind of jargon you might expect in a little spiritual community/sangha like this. But I find it strange that I still remember it so vividly. The way he said it, not with impatience, not to encourage anybody, just like a statement. And what was that statement about? I was about me. It was about all of us who call ourselves spiritual seekers or “finders”. Until you surrender, and the surrender he was talking about was a total surrender, its just a game. It doesn’t matter what kind of game you are immersed in, whether it’s a power game, a sexual game or a spiritual game, its all the same, it’s all about manipulating the dream in order to get more pleasure and less pain. But surrender is about stepping out of the dream. It’s not about starting to live a new and better life, it’s about life starting to live you. Being lived by life…. Its one of Nukunus favourite clichés and probably the favourite cliché of every satsang teacher. But none the less, it’s the name of the game. The new game outside the dream
Let life live you. Ooh, that’s scary. What if life wants you to suffer? Yes, what if?
What about control?
Yes, what about it?
Surrender control?
- no way, are you crazy?
- What is control?
- Well, it’s the whole point of being a human being, learning how to avoid pain and gain pleasure. Isn’t it?
Step out of your dream. It doesn’t matter how it plays itself out.
Step out! Surrender!
This is part of an internal dialogue going on inside me these days. Another part is about understanding and discipline.
If I just can make my conceptual understanding solid and stable enough I can relax and start to surrender. Without this conceptual understanding as a solid ground under me, I can never jump. Hmmm…. Strange. No logic to be found here. Why would I jump when I finally have found the solid ground? Why?
Because that’s what I think this spiritual path is about. Because an enlightened teacher like Nukunu tells me so. Is that why I should jump?
Or is it because I cant stand the suffering of being a human being, part of humanity. Because I cant stand being a witness to all the unnecessary pain we inflict on each other. Myself included. Why can’t I be good, kind, open, tolerant, generous, forgiving, inspiring, encouraging all the time like I should? Says who? Everybody. And why is it that everybody is doing exactly the opposite, more or less so, why is it the humans are unable to walk their talk?
Because, like the Buddha said, LIFE IS SUFFERING.
No, no, life is also about fun, about pleasure and playfulness. It’s beautiful. It’s full of beauty. Oh yes, I know that. And none of the bright sides of life are lasting! None of them. Everything good is going to end. Everything. We all know that and many people would say that life is about helping each other forget.
Of course. Helping each other forget about death. That is the collective vision.
What’s wrong with creating a life guided by this vision?
It’s toxic. It’s about repression and fear. Period.
But that’s the way everybody lives. Or almost everybody.
Oh yes, and almost everybody lives in hell.
No no, come on, it’s not that bad. You have to focus on the good things. It’s a matter of focus. Isn’t it?
Absolutely. That’s how we manage to stay inside this dream, this lie. We pretend impermanence and death doesn’t exist. That’s the first rule. You are not going to die. Say after me. I am not going to die. I am not going to die.
Then it happens that the weakest of humans, the loosers, the ones who cant by into the dream, become religious in some way, they enter a spiritual path.
And here I am, buying into the spiritual dream. You are not going to die. Well of course this body, this brain is going to die, but YOU, the true essence of you exists outside time and space. YOU are going to live forever.
What is that?
It’s a trap.
It’s a new dream. A spiritual dream.

Well, I have been going on and on about how terribly black and hopeless life is but that’s not the point. Life is a dream. And it becomes what you want it to become. That’s not the point. The point is that this voice inside my head keeps asking the question
Do you want to step out of your dream?
The voice inside my head doesn’t care if the dream consists of spiritual bullshit or just ordinary mundane bullshit. The voice inside my head cares about one thing only. The stark, naked truth.
And I am unable to come up with an answer.

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