tisdag, september 09, 2008

Det här handlar om mig - aj, aj, aj

Tänk er att jag, Björn Clausen, delar med mig av allt det bästa och sannaste och finaste jag samlat på sig under mina år av andligt sökande. Och så rundar jag av det hela med .... (citaten är hämtade ur Spiritual Warfare av Jed McKenna) .... "a question that has something to do with my search for happiness as it comes into confluence with mankind's quest for liberation".

Tänk er nu att jag får mig följande till livs av en kvinna som heter Brett:

"... I gotta give you credit; I've heard every dipshit New Age cliché in the books, but I ain't never heard 'em all strung together like that before. What you need to do is give yourself a nice cranial enema and get all that forty years of shit outta your head. You're like a little boy talking about pirates and dinosaurs like you knew them all personally, except you're too old to be a little boy and that makes you hard to look at. I don't know what you been doin' since the nineteen-sixties, but it had nothin' to do with getting' your ass woke up. Musta been som totally unrelated enterprise. I've heard a lot of foolishness in my time and a lot of it sounded like that slop you were just spewin'. but listen. I tell you this as a kindness; what you're talking about is nothing. Forty years of nothing. It means nothing. It goes nowhere. You are being lied to, you are the one doing the lying, and you are the lie."....

Det där träffade mig rakt i magen. Killen i boken heter Stan men det kunde vara jag, förutom att jag inte var med på sextiotalet. 

Men Brett är inte klar med mig:

"... Whenever you have any sort of question like that, any sort of nonsense like that floatin' around in your head, your only goal should be to climb up outta the place where such a question seems to make sense. It's a short climb, I promise, just one littel step up. All that smelly talk about experience, consciousness, mankind, happiness and goo-roo is just pure stinkin' denial and it don't belong here. If that's your thing, you're in the wrong place. We ain't here to indulge in that kind of playtime fantasy. Y'all pay good attention because what you heard is exactly the kind of fertilizer they're selling you out there. This gentleman, (Björn Clausen), is like the poster child for spiritual myopia. Picture him sittin' in the lotus position formin' upturned okay-signs with his hands, eyes closed, smilin' like a little bliss-bunny, and behind him this bigass dumptruck is burying him under a massive load of steamy manure. Y'all with me so far? And driving the truck, leaning out the window giving the camera a big okay sign and smilin' the way they do, is the beloved goo-roo. How's that for a New Age poster?"...

Aj, aj
Men Brett är inte färdig med mig ännu:

".... I let (Björn Clausen) ramble on a bit tonight because he's a prime example of someone who has managed, despite a good heart and a powerful mind, to keep himself totally in the dark through forty years of searching for the light. That's a helluva thing he's managed to do and it's an important thing for y'all to take a look at and try to understand because (Björn Clausen) here is not the exception, he's the rule. Anywhere else they'd be lookin' at this guy like he was practically a guru himself."

Nu gömmer jag mitt ansikte i händerna och vill bara försvinna ... Men Brett är inte färdig med mig än

".... Björn, I don't know what the hell to tell you. If I could go back forty years and find you, I'd know what to say. I'd start by givin' you a sharp rap on the nose to get your attention, then I'd tell you what I tell these folks once a month. Stop being a dumbass. There ain't no law tellin' you to be a dumbass, yo're doin' it voluntary, and my advice would be to give it up or forty years from now you're gonna have som crazy broad in your face tellin' you it's too late for you, that you had your chance and you blew it, which is what I'm tellin' you now. The Chinese have a saying: The best time to stop bein' a dumbass is forty years ago, and the second best time is now. Maybe a piano will fall on your head tomorrow and knock all that horseshit outta your head, but I don't see you havin' that kinda good luck."

Vid det här laget skulle jag ha fått nog, nu får det fan räcka, jag skulle ta mig samman och försöka säga något. Men Brett skulle inte ge mig chansen

"... Don't bother mincin' words with me, Björn Clausen. You got your selfimportance and your missionary ideals to make you feel like you're someone special doin' somethin' saintly, but both them things is a lie; you're just another scared kid hidin' from your own damn life. I can smell it like you been dipped in cheap perfume. You're scared to open your eyes so you dreamed up a world where you get to be Jesus savin' all the lepers and poor folk, and them just kissin' your ass for bein' such a pal. Heaven'll be strikin' up the band when they see you comin'. She turns back to the group. "Don't take it hard, none of you. That's what everybody does, includin' all your fancy men-tors and goo-roos, and the craziest thing about it is not seein' how damn crazy it is. Take five, everybody."

Aj.

Här är jag nu. Tillintetgjord men det känns rätt skönt också. A fresh start. Det enda som oroar mig är ifall jag citerat för mycket ur Jed's bok. 

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