fredag, oktober 31, 2008

The "Super Coach" Anthony Robbins must live in a prison of opaque meaning

The process of inventing meaning is automatic and conditioned. The need to invent a new and better meaning is also conditioned. When meaning becomes transparent the need to change it disappears. Whenever someone tells us about the fantastic possibility of changing our life by changing our map of meaning – we can be sure of one thing – that person is imprisoned in a world of opaque meaning. Many great persons who have inspired millions of people comes to my mind. One of them is Anthony Robbins. I wonder why he still doesn't see that meaning is transparent. If he could see the miracle and beauty that shines through meaning he would let go of the need to improve our maps of meaning.

What creates the illusion of meaning being opaque?

Emotions! It's that simple. When a certain meaning creates a painful emotion in your body you think the meaning must be real. But it's not. Meaning is nothing but fantasy. Emotions though, are real. They can be measured as chemical changes in your body. But meaning can not be measured. Meanings are ghosts. But our bodies can not see this. It's easy to fool our bodies. The moment we see this we have a key to unlock the prison cell of opaque meaning. Now we have to use that key – in all situations. Whenever we feel pain we have to investigate what meaning gave rise to the painful emotion. And then question that meaning. See if it's true. We can do Byron Katies “The Work” if we like. It's very effective. If you are not familiar with this brilliant process, take a look at  But there are many other tools. The best tools are those that we invent for ourselves. That's what I am up to right now - creating my own escape plan - finding my own keys. 

torsdag, oktober 30, 2008

The question - what does this mean? - is my zen koan

The need to invent meaning is gone. Meaning can never be found, it can only be invented. Why was I scared of this world of meaning-transparency? Why did I invent meaning all the time, and how could I ever believe this web of “meaning” to be true? It's a damned mystery! My inner urge to write a spiritual book and to teach is gone, and that is only natural. In order to teach you have to invent some meaning to the teaching thing.

My life has lost all meaning and it has become all empty. Is that bad? To say it's bad is to answer the question – what does this mean? And my need to answer that question is gone. What does it mean when I say that my life has become all empty? No language can describe this world except paradoxical pointers. And my interest in paradoxical pointers is gone. I don't need them any more. All I need is to remind myself that all possible answers to the question – WHAT DOES THIS MEAN? - are invented by my mind. It's not a theory, I can see it, moment by moment, how the mind invents a meaning. There is nothing wrong with this process of inventing meaning. Maybe the question – what does this mean? - is all about the survival of this body – which would be another meaning – another invention of my mind.

There is not much to write anymore. What are my plans for today and why? What are my goals? Ha ha ha .....

It's so strange. My need to answer these questions are gone. It's like for the first time, I can see how the sense of a separate self (called Björn) arises moment by moment. It arises together with the answers to the question – What does this mean – moment by moment .....

tisdag, oktober 28, 2008

Reorientation in a world of meaning-transparency

The heading for this post is a perfect summary of the process I am in right now – and has been for the last couple of months. A subheading could be - leaving a world of opaque meaning

Now I can see what this whole mess is all about, the mess of angry ramblings that this blog is filled with. My critique against conventional approaches to meditation, mindfulness and all the Satsang-Advaita-Zen-mystical-whatever-bullshit that is driving me nuts these days. There is nothing wrong with any of these phenomena except they do NOT make sense in a meaning-transparent world. Nothing makes any sense here and simultaneously it makes all the sense in the world. There is no language available to describe this meaning-transparent world, except a disparate collection of so called “pointers”. These pointer, if taken seriously, will soon leave you completely lost in a maze of paradoxes. You soon see that you will never find a way out of this maze of paradoxes. But it's one thing to understand this and a very different thing to accept it. We say we seek liberation. We talk about inner freedom as “something” worth fighting for. But inner freedom is not “something”, it's the absence of all meaning.... what? .... the mind goes blank. The only thing the mind can come up with when confronted with real freedom is depression. People quote Viktor Frankl who said that life has to have meaning. And he is right, life AS WE KNOW IT. life in a world of opaque (not transparent) meaning. But people can't find opaque meaning any more. We live in a global, multicultural world, where we are confronted with the fact that one and the same thing can have thousands of widely different meanings, depending on cultural context etc. And how do we react? We get depressed or we get spiritual or a combination of both. Depression and spirituality can both be dead ends. Spirituality is a dead end IF it tries to find a new opaque meaning. Depression is a dead end the moment the disease creates a new identity and new negative and destructive meaning for the individual.

To be continued....

God must be depressed

The Trans-Meaning-State of consciousness

Meaning is the one great obstacle to living in the now. Eckhart Tolle talks about the power of now. I say the now has no power. To be present in the now is the proof that all meaning is transcended.

  • To be with what is as it is - . Sounds spiritual and profound but what does it mean? It means to be with what is without the meaning we have given to it. Now it doesn't sound that appealing.

Almost everybody in a postmodern society knows that meaning is subjective and context dependent. But what do we do with that knowledge? We feel depressed. We panic. We listen to people who say that we are free to choose a better meaning – a more empowering and enabling meaning! I have listened a lot to the “supercoach” Anthony Robbins. He has actually come to some really deep insights about the human psyche. But his conclusion is different from mine. He talks about the ultimate importance of our MOM:s (maps of meaning). Our map of meaning is our “mental DNA”. Robbins does not think we can manipulate our DNA, but he does think we can manipulate our MOM – in order to become “winners”. I don't want to win. On my MOM winning is ridiculous. I know it doesn't matter what meaning we give the concept of winning. The point is to transcend meaning.

And when we arrive at the “trans-meaning state” (my word for any mystical state), we see that there wasn't any point in arriving to this state. In the trans-meaning-state there isn't any point to anything at all..... sounds like depression .... I know. My “problem” here is that I have never suffered from depression. So I can't compare these states. But I know people who have, I have read about the symptoms. Based on this I can say that these two states looks very similar on the surface but they are worlds apart.

Explanation of the term Trans-Meaning-State:

In a recent post I used the term post-verbal-state. But language is not the root-obstacle. The root obstacle is meaning. And when meaning falls away language falls to – together with almost all emotions related to judgment – good, bad – right, wrong – beautiful, ugly, etc. I have come to the conclusion that judgment does arise before language. Being hungry is bad. Eating is good. Judgment is relatively independent of language. But no judgment is independent of meaning. Judgment is meaning. And meaning is an obstacle to a life in the present moment – a life in “divine flow” where we move with the will and intelligence of the universe. In this state we see through meaning. Something strikes me here. Most people do already live in this trans-meaning-state. But we don't want it. So we eat anti-depressants. We talk to psychiatrists. But why? To see through meaning is a sign that we have come to the next level – or something. At this level different levels have no meaning. At this level life is magic. Yes, it is true. What am I seeking? I have already arrived. Why do I have to go further? Because the society doesn't support this state of mind. It's scared by it. It doesn't understand. And I care. Why do I care?

This is my next obstacle. My next lesson is to learn not to care... What makes me frustrated is that being established in the Trans-Meaning-State should make all this problems fall away. That is in theory. In practice this takes time. I go in and out of this Trans-Meaning-State. The paradox is that to become established in this new state I have to go back to the “Meaning-State” and give this new state a meaning. You could say that a new state affect all the previous states. My body is affected by this new way of being. It has to get used to this. And my thinking.  

måndag, oktober 27, 2008

The "i-m-m"

The first step is to see through these hallucinations called “I”, “me”, “my”. The next step is to become clear about WHAT sees through “I”, “me”, “my” (i-m-m) The fascinating thing is that the very moment the “i-m-m” is seen through the question – WHAT sees through – falls away. Therefore it's a good pointer to say that “i-m-m” is seen through by NO ONE ... or consciousness ... or NO-THING.

Is the “i-m-m” a verbal phenomena bound to what we might call a verbal state of consciousness? I think it is. Couldn't the “i-m-m” be a pure emotional phenomena? Don't we experience “i-m-m” before language is developed? Without going through endless theories by developmental psychologists, I would say, based on my own vague memories, that the “i-m-m” emerged together with language.  That is also confirmed in recent brain, consciousness research

Seeing through the "i-m-m" is the path to the post-verbal state.  

Meditation or mindfulness can be performed in the verbal state. But in that state those acitivities are basically pointless. So the first thing to do, BEFOREE meditation or mindfulness practice, is to move to the post-verbal state. How is that done? 

1. The first step is to go to a place where people are gathered and look at them. It could be a street in the city, a supermarket, a train station. It's easier if it's a place where people don't talk to each other too much. That enables you to “see” the voices in their heads. The inner voices that create the verbal self - moment to moment. In almost every head you see words are produced. Produced by no one. Stories are created. Stories about “me” and “you”. Stories about what this “me” needs from “you”.. And you can see in peoples eyes that they believe these stories. They believe every word of it. And you can see how this belief affects their bodies. A word for this is self contraction. When the verbal “me-story” is believed you can see how the body contracts around this “me-story”.When you see how bizarre this is, you are on the right trackRemember, you are out of love. Don't feel bad if you look at people without love. It's only natural. Remember, in the verbal state, you are out of love. Don't feel bad if you see people as ridiculous ghosts. What you see is ridiculous.

2. The next step is to see your own verbal “me” and to kill the reality of it. It's the suicide of the verbal “me”.

I will come back here and add further instructions on how to perform these two first steps.

3. The third step will be to listen to a dialog between two persons. This is harder than just observing people when they are quiet. Otherwise the process here is the same. We are deeply conditioned to believe in spoken words. Breaking this habit will provoke reactions of fear in your body. What if the other person is saying something that is important for your survival – like, - there is a bomb in the cellar that will explode in twenty seconds, we've better run!!

But you have to be cold and heartless here. You have to remind yourself that if the price of getting out of the verbal state is your life, you are prepared to pay it. And that is actually literally true. We have to kill the “verbal me” in order to access the post verbal state.

3b. In this third step you will experience a state of total alienation. You are no longer part of this world. What other people think is important has no meaning to you. To think like that may feel wrong. See that it actually is wrong – from the viewpoint of someone in the verbal state. But it's the only right thing if you are serious about entering the post verbal state.

3c. This alienated attitude will provoke a state of depression in you. But remember that this depression is something you have to go through. Everything you value, like meaning and hope etc. - are nothing but stories you can no longer believe in. The very “me” that used to value meaning and hope is now seen to be unreal. Not getting depressed when facing these facts is impossible.

4. When the verbal me is dead, you can enter the post-verbal state. What are you going to do in this post-verbal state? That question has no longer any meaning since there is no “me” there who can do things. The “me” is gone. Meditation will become spontaneous. Meditation will be the most natural way to celebrate life. But not the only. You can still participate in life and do things. And everything will become magical. Even the words you hear. If they come from you or someone else will make no difference, words will be one of countless miracles to enjoy.

But sitting in meditation will be the greatest joy of them all. The truest expression of being. At least in the beginning. It will also be the most powerful way to prevent your verbal me from being reborn.

lördag, oktober 25, 2008


"On my journey, reading the words from others has been very helpful, either in a book or on the net. At some point though, it’s enough. The mind ends its love affair with words and concepts and embarks on new adventures, seeking new challenges and ways to experience this life. The mind evolves, the personality evolves, the body evolves, all in a continuous flux of change. . . . Over the past year my attention has not been on this website, or on cyber-satsang, or nondual discussions. It has all become an experience of the past. Lovely in its rise, inspiring in its glory and uninteresting in its decay."
–Mira Baartmans

God doesn't give a shit about what YOU want

What am I waiting for? I know that the moment I let go of “waiting” altogether, the seeking game will be over. Letting go of waiting is one key.

Letting go of waiting

The difficult thing about this liberation thing is that it is so simple. When I let go of waiting, everything else that keeps me imprisoned falls away. I know that. I can see it, the beauty of it, the logic of it, the terror of it..... Game over. No more seeking. No more hoping. No more waiting. Never again going to a Satsang and hope to get some cool experience, some mini Satori, some epiphany, some breakthrough. Just imagine that.

No more reading the back cover of spiritual books hoping to find the book with the missing pieces. NEVER AGAIN.

By the way it's ridiculous because I already know too many answers. I have found all the missing pieces. I have all the pieces I need. I got all I needed in that first retreat with Nukunu in 2004. The reason I kept seeking was that I wanted to stay in control over my life . And that was only natural. Our whole culture is about control. About my control over my life. About my goals, my will... MY WILL .....

there is the other key .... YOUR WILL BE DONE ON EARTH AS IN HEAVEN ....

Your will be done – not my will
(“You” meaning God or The Universe)

Our culture is said to be christian and Pater Noster is the prayer that is said to unite all christians. And what is said about my will in that prayer?? Are we told, in this prayer, to ask God to support us in doing what we want?????

Hell no! We don't even need to pray about this. God doesn't give a shit about what we want. I actually prefer to use The Universe instead of God. Fits me better. Us humans being all worked up about what we want is a joke. A cosmic joke. Maybe something that funny has never been seen before in the whole Universe. How can we actually believe we are in control? We don't need scientists or philosophers to tell us we don't have free will. We can easily investigate that for ourselves. Just try to figure out how you do when you choose your next thought. Where are the alternatives? Are our alternative thoughts lying on a plate somewhere inside the brain so that we can look at them and then pick the one we prefer? Any honest investigation of our own thought processes shows that thoughts just pop up .... same with feelings. We have NO CONTROL whatsoever over our own thoughts and feelings.... yeah, I know, you want to argue with me on that one ... you have control right ... you are the exception. Or maybe I'm the crazy guy here who hallucinates my thoughts being controlled by external forces... HA ha ha. :-)

Doesn't much matter if the self has any control or not, the self is itself a hallucination. It's produced in the brain by the same structures that are responsible for hallucinations. It's actually true. If we stop this mad inner dialog for just a moment – the self starts to crumble. The sense of self is a ghost that needs us and others to feed it with fake evidence of it's existence. There are no evidence for the reality of the self. Our own experience of self is a hallucination.

Who cares about what a ghost wants? When we see that our sense of self is a ghost we will not have any problems with the words in Pater Noster – Your will be done – (not my will). It will not be a problem because there is no one to whom it could ever become a problem.

Stay with this!! Björn, stay with it. Don't add more to this. This is all that is needed. And it's never going to become a big bang experience. It's already here. Life is already perfect. Complete. Whole. One.

Life is.

torsdag, oktober 23, 2008

Post-verbal Life Practice - Intro

Something strange has happened - again. Words of wisdom mean nothing to me today. I experience all words as equally empty. I can see right through them and so can you – if you want – if you dare to. Spoken words are funny sounds. We all remember that experience. The pre-verbal state before we learned a language. The state I am in is similar but yet different. This is the post-verbal state. I know words can be powerful. They can make your heart beat faster. They can start a fight. But only as long as you believe in them. Most people I know believe in words – which amazes me. What's equally amazing is that I myself believed in words. Only yesterday I believed in words. But today they are all transparent. Transparent is not the perfect word to describe this, but what the hell... they are all empty anyway. This state might be a phenomenon caused by a chemical change in my brain. I still know what the words mean. - Could you please pass the bread – I know what that means and I will still pass the bread when asked to.

I visited a New Age bookshop today in Stockholm – Vattumannen (The Aquarius). All those books on the shelves had lost their meaning to me. I used to love them but today they were like empty shells. I pulled out some books and flipped through the pages – what is this? – I asked myself – what did I see in all these books? They used to be filled with maps that could lead me to the treasure at the end of the rainbow. The Rainbow. Good metaphor. All these words of wisdom. Beautiful forms. Forms of vibrations in the air. Black forms on white paper – lining up in straight lines. Cool... But nothing more.

I have finally returned home. Home - to me - is where words are like rainbows. Transparent. Beautiful. Cool ...

I am glad I still know what the words mean to those who believe in them. The word bizarre is a good word. To see other people form all these words and actually believe they mean something seems bizarre to me. Bizarre to me the same way my words are bizarre to you (if you still believe in words)

I notice another strange thing in myself. I experience no wish to convince you that my experience is right, true, better than yours, whatever.... Believing in words is not a problem to me. It's just bizarre. Funny. I hope people will continue to believe in words because I find it funny and entertaining to observe. It's a great show. The belief in words is the root cause of most conflicts. Other peoples conflicts are not a problem for me. Conflicts are just bizarre.

People produce millions of words expressing the wish to end their inner and outer conflicts. All these words makes no difference - neither to me - nor to them. People believe in exchanging negative words for positive words – hostile words for friendly words – but the negative and hostile words are not the problem. Is there a problem? No, I don't think so. I think inner and outer conflicts are fascinating spectacles.

I notice this new and strange feeling in myself – the feeling that human conflicts and suffering are not a problem to me. Conflict used to represent a problem to be solved. But not anymore. I think it has to do with some chemical change in my brain. What I call "my self" is nothing but a story I tell myself, a story built by many words. When words lose their reality, my self loses it's reality as well. So, how can something be a problem to me if this “me” is not real? Bizarre.... but it feels true. Seeing that the story I call “my self” consists of nothing but funny sounds is totally liberating. Liberating to no one. It does not make sense when put into words but in the post-verbal state it makes all the sense in the world.

I am not new to this post-verbal state. Neither are you. I've been there for short visits -seconds, minutes, hours at most. I'm sure you've been there too. Why did I go back to the verbal state? That is the question.

The pull of the verbal state

Tell me I am an idiot, and I will not go back to the verbal state. But tell me you love me – and the pull will be really strong. But not today. I am already in love with every single atom in the Universe. And all the atoms are in love with me. It wouldn't make any difference if you told me you love me. How could you not ... ?

I know
this sounds like bad mystic poetry to someone in the verbal state. But it's true. But as soon as this mystic state subsides, as it has always done before, I might again become an easy victim to sweet words like “I love you” and “you are wonderful”. But today I don't need to be wonderful. Everything is wonderful and magic. That's how it is here in the post-verbal state. Doesn't mean I wouldn't scream if you hit me with a hammer on the head. It just means that this body would scream and feel pain. The "verbal me” in my head would not jump in and create suffering. Poor me, why are people so stupid and violent? - what's wrong with this society? Nothing would be there but pain. And pain is not a problem in the post-verbal state. It's just pain. Everything is in love ... even pain. Now I leave the stage of bad mystic poetry and move down to stinking spiritual clichés – everything is love. But it's true.

How can I produce all these words without believing in them? Right now, do I believe the words I write?

No. Honestly. I don't. Not a word.

Why am I writing these words?

Because I know this post-verbal state is supported by a corresponding electro-chemical state in my brain. And the question is not if this state will change, the question is when....

... and when it changes, I will again run the risk of starting to believe in words. And with the belief in words everything else will follow – the belief in "me" – and "you" – and past – and future – and hope – and fear – and good – and bad.
If this happens, I will again be “out of love”. And when I am out of love I will start to believe I need love, and start doing all kinds of strange things to get love.

This scenario will most likely happen. Thats' the great thing with being in the post-verbal state, you can be realistic and simultaneously crazy in love with every single atom in the Universe.

And when I fall out of love I will return to this text. Actually, there is no “me” that can ever fall out of love. It would be more correct to say – when I am reborn as a verbal self.

Entering the verbal state is like being born. - the birth of the verbal “me”.

Entering the post-verbal state is like dying – the death of the verbal “me”.

So, the day I will born again, as a verbal me and return to this text, what will I need?

The verbal “me” will need words. The spell of words is created by words and also broken by words.

What words will brake the spell?

1. The first step is to go to a place where people are gathered and look at them. It could be a street in the city, a supermarket, a train station. It's easier if it's a place where people don't talk to each other too much. That enables you to “see” the voices in their heads. The inner voices that create the verbal self - moment to moment. In almost every head you see words are produced. Produced by no one. Stories are created. Stories about “me” and “you”. Stories about what this “me” needs from “you”.. And you can see in peoples eyes that they believe these stories. They believe every word of it. And you can see how this belief affects their bodies. A word for this is self contraction. When the verbal “me-story” is believed you can see how the body contracts around this “me-story”. When you see how bizarre this is, you are on the right track. Remember, you are out of love. Don't feel bad if you look at people without love. It's only natural. Remember, in the verbal state, you are out of love. Don't feel bad if you see people as ridiculous ghosts. What you see is ridiculous.

2. The next step is to see your own verbal “me” and to kill the reality of it. It's the suicide of the verbal “me”.

I will come back here and add further instructions on how to perform these two first steps.

3. The third step will be to listen to a dialog between two persons. This is harder than just observing people when they are quiet. Otherwise the process here is the same. We are deeply conditioned to believe in spoken words. Breaking this habit will provoke reactions of fear in your body. What if the other person is saying something that is important for your survival – like, - there is a bomb in the cellar that will explode in twenty seconds, we've better run!!

But you have to be cold and heartless here. You have to remind yourself that if the price of getting out of the verbal state is your life, you are prepared to pay it. And that is actually literally true. We have to kill the “verbal me” in order to access the post verbal state.

3b. In this third step you will experience a state of total alienation. You are no longer part of this world. What other people think is important has no meaning to you. To think like that may feel wrong. See that it actually is wrong – from the viewpoint of someone in the verbal state. But it's the only right thing if you are serious about entering the post verbal state.

3c. This alienated attitude will provoke a state of depression in you. But remember that this depression is something you have to go through. Everything you value, like meaning and hope etc. - are nothing but stories you can no longer believe in. The very “me” that used to value meaning and hope is now seen to be unreal. Not getting depressed when facing these facts is impossible.

4. When the verbal me is dead, you can enter the post-verbal state. What are you going to do in this post-verbal state? That question has no longer any meaning since there is no “me” there who can do things. The “me” is gone. Meditation will become spontaneous. Meditation will be the most natural way to celebrate life. But not the only. You can still participate in life and do things. And everything will become magical. Even the words you hear. If they come from you or someone else will make no difference, words will be one of countless miracles to enjoy.

But sitting in meditation will be the greatest joy of them all. The truest expression of being. At least in the beginning. It will also be the most powerful way to prevent your verbal me from being reborn.

But if the verbal me is reborn, that is no catastrophe, all you have to do is to return to this text and start the process again.

How long will this whole four-step-process take? Impossible to say. I can take a week, a day, a few minutes or a few seconds. It could even take many years. Som steps are harder and you can get stuck there. Like I did. The alienation and the depression took a lot of time for me to go through. I will see tomorrow. I will probably fall out of love and be born as the verbal me several times during one single day. That is how it works. And everytime the verbal me will commit suicide. Strange....

DISCLAIMER: This text is my own letter to the verbal me that will be reborn. When I write "you" I mean my future "verbal me". 
I have no idea how your process will look like. This was my process. This is how my brain is wired - how I function. This is what I will probably have to go through again and again. 

onsdag, oktober 22, 2008

Can two solipsists both be right?

The whole universe is contained inside my brain. Who knows that? A phenomenon called self that is also contained inside my brain. What is outside my brain? All the things I don't know about? What are those things? A concept? A concept called “all the things I don't know about” and that concept is also contained inside my brain. My brain is as big as the Universe.

Is this solipsism?

Well, at least these thoughts make me feel kind of lonely....

Are there other brains that exist outside my brain?

No, they all exist inside my brain – as chemical acitivity – as ions crossing the walls of neurons – as electricity – as electromagnetic fields – as vibrations ... ALL INSIDE MY BRAIN. Does that mean I have the biggest brain? :-) Yeah, sure. I have the biggest brain of them all.

So far, so good.

Let's say a solipsist like me meets another solipsist. And she claims that my brain is nothing but a electromagnetic field contained inside her brain. Who is right?

If she is everything – does that mean I am nothing? Well, that would be the logic conclusion, wouldn't it?

And I think that is how it is. We are nothing and everything simultaneously. And what is it that can be nothing and everything? It's obvious for everyone who have stuck their nose into some of the eastern mystic traditions – EMPTINESS. Another word for emptiness is CONSCIOUSNESS.

Everything is empty and simultaneously, this emptiness takes all these forms. Different forms, same thing.

Hahaha – isn't that a great comprehensive, mystical spiritual teaching. Four fucking words says it all – DIFFERENT FORMS – SAME THING

In a comment on this blog someone suggested that I questioned the belief that I have a brain. How can I know that I have a brain? Because someone told me? How can I know that person isn't lying? How can I know I am not dreaming having that conversation? How can I know the brain scientist isn't a hallucination? Have I seen my own brain directly? Of course not.

Have I seen the eyes that sees things directly? No, only through a mirror. How can I know that the mirror doesn't manipulate the reflection? Of course I can't be sure. I don't pretend I could ever win an argument with Douglas Harding and the followers of the Headless school. And if I would win such an argument, against all odds, how can I know that is not a dream? This is the nature of verbal spirituality. You can't win and you can't loose. Can you?

You can transcend verbal spirituality all together. That's what you can do. Or can you really do even that? Isn't that another stupid attempt to announce yourself a winner. I am the winner because a say so. I am above all you guys. I play in a different league you see. The non verbal league. Hahahaha

This is how I see it ..... okt 22 -08 at 7,26 am. The self is something that the brain has to produce. If the parts of the brain that produces the self is put out of service by a stroke or in some neuro scientists laboratory, THE SELF DOES NOT EXIST. Isn't that a cool thing to think about .... I love it! I love that we can live without a self. Jill Bolte Taylor, the Brain scientists who had a stroke that put out her sense of separateness, tells us about how it is – she and many others with similar experiences. Jill says it's NIRVANA. The world doesn't cease to exist when the self disappears! Not at all. And the great thing is that this no longer has to be just another philosophical assertion – like solipsism.

I read an interesting article yesterday about enlightenment and modern neuroscience

The author asks some really interesting questions about what this enlightenment thing is really all about. We often think that it has to be about getting TOWARDS something. Achieving something. But what if it's not. What if it's simply about getting rid of the feeling of being a separate being. Feeling like a separate person is like having a small stone in your shoe. A small stone that you can't get rid of. It's always there, it doesn't hurt, it's not a torture, but it makes you unable to be fully in life, fully happy and joyful and FREE. If it's this simple, then we don't need all this metaphysical and philosophical bullshit that only complicate things. We already know enough about how the brain manages to produce this uncomfortable sense of separateness to see exactly what we need to do. We can see that the easterners were right about meditation as THE WAY to enlightenment. It's about not going to the places in the brain that supports the sense of separateness. We all know these technologies – mindfulness, using breath as an anchor for awareness, breathing properly, jumping off the “thought train” as soon as we notice we are on it ... on so on.

What if awakening is taken out of it's metaphysical and philosophical context and put on a different map – a map of the human brain?

måndag, oktober 20, 2008

Brainwaves between 4-7 Hz and the end of metaphysical questions

Frequency range


Usually associated with:

> 40 Hz

Gamma waves

Higher mental activity, including perception, problem solving, fear, and consciousness

13–40 Hz

Beta waves

Active, busy or anxious thinking and active concentration, arousal, cognition

7–13 Hz

Alpha waves

Relaxation (while awake), pre-sleep and pre-wake drowsiness

4–7 Hz

Theta waves

Dreams, deep meditation, REM sleep


Delta waves

Deep dreamless sleep, loss of body awareness

What if all my questions are the wrong questions?

I think they are! They are Beta- and Gamma-questions. What if God is found in the Theta-range? I think she is... (another Gamma-question)

Here are some of my old questions. They are metaphysical in nature and metaphysics is a probably a dead end since they are all in a vibration-range where the answers are not be found. Humans have entertained the discipline of Metaphysics for thousands of years, and they have gotten nothing out of it, except a massive pile of bullshit and endless discussions about what bullshit is the best bullshit.

A sample of Björns metaphysical questions?

Is there actually something called spiritual awakening? Sounds appealing but not likely.

What is the dream character? Probably all I can ever know.

Is it true that dream characters can't wake up? Probably

If dream characters can't wake up, who can? The true dreamer? What would that be? Some metaphysical concept like consciousness? Doesn't make sense.

Is there some other character “behind” the dream character? Sounds spooky. I don't believe in souls. What if there is a soul? What if being this soul and waking up is just another dream? It probably is.

All my answers are probably as wrong as the questions themselves.

Is there a “brain state” where metaphysical questions fall away? The answer is yes. I've been there. The state is described in scientific literature. It's where brainwaves vibrate with a frequency between 4-7 Hz – The Theta-range. I think we can touch upon this question-answer-free-zone in deep relaxation between 7 and 10 Hz is.

How to get into deep meditation? Well, probably by meditating. I have tried out some Binaural beat technologies and they are a great help.

This whole spiritual Merry-go-round business is all about lack of knowledge about how the brain works. God, Nirvana, Tao, whatever, will NEVER be found in the Alpha and Gamma range. Never. God and Nirvana are Theta and Delta phenomena. We could say that God hides in our brains in the Theta-range.

söndag, oktober 19, 2008

Spiritual Marxism

It's not my life – it's simply life

... other possible headings for this post could be ...

The power of the word “my”

It's not my ego – it's simply ego

Waking up from the dream of ownership

The shadow of ego

Spiritual Marxism

Yesterday I thought about a phrase I like – the spiritual seeker is like a shadow trying to see the light. That phrase struck me as the most succinct explanation of the merry-go-round of spiritual seeking I've heard for years – and I happened to write it. I've probably heard it many times before, it's one of these clichés that pollute spirituality. Sometimes this smog of wisdom bullshit makes it hard to breath. But it's probably wise not to throw the baby out with the bathwater. Maybe this phrase is a real baby.

I started to wonder what it is that casts this shadow and why that “thing” thinks it IS the shadow. And to me the answer is obvious. Ego is casting the shadow. Oh my God, now it's really becoming interesting! What is the shadow saying about ego? It says – that is MY ego. What if ego itself never was a problem? What if the whole problem is the shadow of ego? This is not philosophy, this is common fucking sense!

What if ego is the reference point that makes this whole human experience possible. What if ego is the program that keeps this body alive, protects it and gets it what it needs to survive? That is to say, not a problem, not something to overcome or transcend or diminish. Why not let ego be what it is? Let's say ego is real. Let's say ego is already enlightened. They say that the answers to all life's questions are already there in plain view. I think that's exactly right. It's all there in plain view and it's a hell of a show!

When spiritual people talk about ego I think they refer to it's shadow. This shadow has only one function and that is to create the illusion of ownership. The “ego-shadow” performs all it's trick by just one little seemingly innocent word – the word MY. I see how this could become some kind of spiritual Marxism but let's forget politics for a while and start in spirituality.

lördag, oktober 18, 2008

A little story

Children of Maya

This is the little story about a man named Björn who started to meditate because he was looking for  freedom – inner and outer freedom. One day he arrived at a crossroad in his meditation practice. There he met an old women called Maya.

- What are you looking for, asked Maya
- I am looking for freedom, Björn answered
- Freedom from what?
- Freedom from the prison of ego.
- And how is it going so far?
- I think I am making progress.
- Do you believe that you are a prisoner inside ego?
- Yes, sort of.
- What if you ARE the Ego?
- I am not.
- Are you sure?
- Yes, I am absolutely sure I am not the ego.
- How can you be so sure?
- Because I can witness my ego when I meditate.
- What if that is just one part of the ego witnessing another part? Could that be possible?
- I don't think so. 

- Björn, don't you want to know who I am? , Maya asked.
- Ok, sorry, who are you?
- I am May, the best magician in the universe and I have created you. I know everything about you.
- Really?
- Oh yes. What you call ego is my invention. And if you are clever you will come with me and I can teach you everything there is to know about ego, imprisonment and freedom. If you are stupid like most seekers are, you take the other way that will lead you to all the Gurus and their spiritual market place - crammed with their books, seminars, Satsangs and retreats - anything that can get these Gurus som extra bucks. They know nothing about ego because they have never asked me. They haven't even talked to me. When they came here, to this crossroad, they looked away because they thought I was just this silly old women sitting here doing nothing. They simply ignored me. They don't know I am their mother. I care for them. They are all my own children.
- Am I your son?
- Oh yes my dear! You are my beloved little son. All human beings are my children. I am the mother of what they refer to as themselves – not of their bodies. 
So Björn, which way are you going to take this time? Are you going to finally return home to your mother? I've seen you many times before Björn, and you have always looked away when you saw me. You always chose the road that lead you to the Gurus. You have been to the Gurus many times. Aren't you tired of listening to their empty words of wisdom? They talk about ego and freedom but they know nothing because they have never asked me, the creator of the whole thing.
- Yes mother Maya, I am tired of their bullshit! I want to return home this time.
- Good choice my son. Come with me.

Drinking tea in Mayas kitchen
Standing in the doorway of the prison

- Maya, why do you say I am my ego?
- Björn, there is not someone there who can say “my” ego. You are ego and nothing but ego. I have created you as a big house with many floors and rooms. You may call it a prison if you like. In this prison you store all sorts of memories, plans, thoughts, opinions, philosophies, emotions, preferences. In the basement there is a locked room where you keep you most valuable treasures – you attachments – the bonds you create to things by calling them my or mine. I have created all that for you.
- But what is it then that is witnessing all this during meditation? Isn't that something that must be outside this ego prison? It feels like I am watching the person Björn from an impersonal perspective – from outside - from the perspective of boundless, timeless consciousness.
- These Gurus of yours have stuffed your little head full with all sorts of crazy ideas. How could you look at yourself from outside? How can you believe something that crazy. It's like lifting yourself in you own shoelaces. 
- Maybe there is a soul, something that is free from this bodymind, that has a perspective of it's own. I think that is possible.
- You think it's possible, but you don't know for sure. Listen Björn. This is how it is. The ego is whole and sound and complete before these Gurus start tearing it apart and inventing fancy names for the different parts, names like witness or soul or true self.
What you call the witness is the doorway to the ego and the entrance door is open. While you stand there you are in direct contact with the world outside ego. Nothing is between you and the world outside. You feel very alive when you stand  there. You can look directly at the world and you can simultaneously look at everything inside yourself. You feel free but you are not. Many call it a transpersonal or impersonal dimension but it's not. The entrance door is open but you can not walk out of yourself. Can you understand why?
- No, not really.
- OK, explain then to me how you could walk out of yourself.
- This is how I see it. Everything is consciousness. What we perceive as the phenomenal world is forms of consciousness. It's all the same. It's all one. I am like a wave on the ocean. I appear to be separate from the other waves but I am the same thing, the same water, the same wetness. 
- Sounds good, but it doesn't explain how you can walk out of yourself.
- Well, maybe consciousness can be conscious everywhere. My perspective is but one of an infinite number of different perspectives. Maybe, if you rest as consciousness, you can access all the other perspectives also. You become free from your own perspective. You can take other perspectives too. Maybe this is what they call the evolution of consciousness – the increasing capacity to take other perspectives. Something like that.
- Yes Björn, something like that, but you want to know exactly how it is, don't you?
- Yes I do.
- There are no perspectives at all. Zero. Null.
- What?
- I am Maya, the best magician in the world. I have created the illusion of different perspectives. In reality, they don't exist.
- They don't??
- Nope.
- But what is the point in trying to become free of this limited perspective?
- There is no point! It's all a trick. Your perspective doesn't exist Björn. How can you become free of something that doesn't exist?

If you try to escape a prison that doesn't exist you must be insane

- I don't exist?
- Nope.
- But ...... what am I?
- You are an illusion! Haven't your Gurus told you that many times?
- Well, they have but ....
- But they don't understand it themselves. That's why they can't explain it to you.
- But you can't either Maya, I still don't understand.
- I'm not done with you yet Björn. You see, IF the prison of ego was real, you could escape from it. If you were real you could escape from the prison. But you are not real. The prison is not real. It's all ghosts, fantasies, dreams. The whole search is pointless. It's like a shadow trying to see the light. 

The absurdity of something unreal trying to escape something unreal – how to get off the merry-go-round of spiritual searching

- Why should I then meditate?
- If you want to get off the merry-go-round of spiritual searching, meditation can actually help you, if it's performed the right way. To remind yourself that you are nothing but a dream. Do you want some practical instructions on how to meditate?
- Yes! But Maya, tell me first why you reveal this secrets to me! 
- I tell everyone Björn. It's not a secret. But most people don't listen to me. They want to believe they are real. And that's fine with me. Most people believe they are real until they die. That was my plan because that makes the show of human existence more spectacular. And I want a spectacular show. I want to enjoy myself. But I am not cruel. I love all of my children. When they don't want to play any longer, they can come home to me. Just like you did. 
- Ok. Tell me now how to meditate.
- OK, first, you don't have to sit in a certain posture, but it's good to sit with the spine erect because that prevents you from falling asleep. 
What you do when you are sitting is simply to observe how thoughts and feelings just appear by themselves. The illusion of being something other than a dream is kept alive by the illusion of control. But when you see that your thoughts are put there in your head, by forces beyond your control, you see that your thinking is nothing but a dream dreamt with open eyes.
Try to see how you do when you produce a thought. A good question is – How do I choose my next thought? Ask yourself that. And when a thought has appeared, try to see how you made it appear. Get rid of your illusion of controlling your thoughts, thats all you have to do. When that illusion is gone, everything else will fall in place. Don't trust me. Try it out for yourself!

fredag, oktober 17, 2008

Captain Ahab - the greatest spiritual teacher ever?

This video sucks, honestly, it's childish and rebellious in an immature way. But what if this is the energy that is required if you want to wake up OUT OF the dream character OUT OF DREAM??

The person who made this video must have read Spiritual incorrect enlightenment by Jed McKenna. Jed provides a unique and interesting analysis of the novel Moby Dick by Herman Melville. He tries to explain how Captain Ahab represents what he calls the "break out archetype". It has something to do with the price of truth. If the price is everything - the you pay everything - including your sanity. It has something to do with the explosive energy required if you want to break through endless layers of lies LIES LIES LIES ..... 
 I don't know if this interpretation of Moby Dick actually makes so much sense to me, but there is an energy in this, a new angle on spirituality that's refreshing. 

torsdag, oktober 16, 2008

Is meditation a manifestation of total depression?

When nothing seems exciting or fun anymore, when there is nothing you can do about anything, what do you do? You might stay in bed all day, but if you make it out of bed, you will probably end up sitting somewhere doing nothing. Why do anything? It's all meaningless anyway. I think this state has a stunning resemblance to meditation.

Most mediators will disagree because they have plans. They meditate for world peace, inner peace, improved health, improved intelligence, improved sex life, or even the one biggie - Enlightenment. What if they fool themselves? If you want peace in the world, start with your own inner peace. That's what they say. But is that really true? Let's look at it in this way. There are lot's of creatures on this earth with inner peace - dogs, cows, dolphins, elephants, the list is long, but their inner peace doesn't stop human beings from going to war or destroying the planet. Does it? 

If mediators look at their practice from a new perspective they might actually get some really interesting insights. There are so many fun things to do, why just sit and do nothing. There are so many wonderful people to hang out with, why sit and close your eyes and shut yourself out from the world? Meditators say they come back from meditation refreshed and ready to enjoy life even more. Anyhow, thats what they like to think. I think they are wrong. If you want to get refreshed, go take a nap or go out for a jog, and then some sauna. If you meditate and hope to get something out of it, you will never come close to the true power of meditation. Meditation is about killing the reality of yourself and life. You kill the “reality” of yourself and life by letting it starve to death. That's what meditation is all about. What keeps “reality” alive? The answer is of course ... hope .... And hope creates the illusion of future and time. 

Sometimes we talk about what a disaster it is when people don't see a future for themselves. We say that gives rise to all sorts of immoral behavior. We HAVE TO give people a future and something to hope for. Why? Because if we don't people might get depressed. And depression is the disease everybody wants to cure, including those who suffer from depression. But what if we look at depression in a new way? What if depression is a door out of the dream state? And what if meditation is nothing but a way of practicing depression? Not trying to run away from it or cure it. But stay with it. Become one with it.

onsdag, oktober 15, 2008

The art of Meditation


is the art of living WITHOUT HOPE

which is the art of

Dare you live without hope? That's the question. Most people say it's the other way round. They say it takes courage to hope. They say that if you are afraid of getting hurt or disappointed, you dare not hope for anything good to happen. These people are blind. If you dare to look at the world with an open heart you will be overwhelmed by gratitude and the mere concept of hope will dissolve.

Let's not start with the gratitude part. Everybody wants the gratitude-part and “No One” wants the “without hope-part”. That's the challenge here, for me as a writer and for you as a reader. We are greedy and stupid and think we can keep hoping for something better and simultaneously experience true gratitude. 

“I hope I will learn to become more grateful”. Forget it! It's doesn't work that way. Gratitude comes in when hope gets out. But hope doesn't walk out just like that only because you happen to understand how these things work. Hope will fight back. And it will find support everywhere. Our whole culture is imbued by this misconception. Almost everyone will tell you that you must cling to your hope for a better future. This misconception is programmed deep down in the roots of the human psyche. You will have to fight. It might look like a simple deal. You give up some hope and gain some gratitude. But it's more like – you kill some hope and gain some gratitude. And killing is never easy. 

tisdag, oktober 14, 2008

The art of living without hope

I am a dream character in the dream called life. 

All hope of becoming something else than a dream character is just another dream.

All hope of waking up from this dream called life is just another dream.

So there is no hope at all?

The answer is - there is NO real hope. But there is something you could call false hope and that sucks. Get rid of it!

.... but .......... maybe ..... there is something called ...... true hope? ..... 


Waking up downwards

I think the waking up process goes from the top to the bottom. First it hits the brain. We understand that we are nothing but dream characters in a dream, I call that conceptual awakening. That is something anybody can attain by attending Satsangs, reading book and so on.  But this awakening is of no value. There is only complete awakening or no awakening. It's when the process has descended down the brain, to the spine, where our primitive fear resides, that things becomes interesting - and a bloody war. That's where the real awakening takes place. Not in Satsangs.

måndag, oktober 13, 2008

Affirmations for the dream character - nr. 1

Affirmation 1

1. I am a dream character in a dream.
2. Therefore I can not have any real problems
3. Therefore there can be no real problems in the world

This might look like an escapist thing but it's not. You will notice that you (the dream character in you dream) will fight like crazy to avoid the real meaning of this first affirmation. We often think that we want to get rid of our problems but we don't. We invent them, we seek them out, we do everything in order to get a new and bigger problem. Why? Because we need problems to maintain the belief that we are real. Somewhere deep inside we always suspect that we are nothing but a dream character, an impostor, a fake. And trying to solve our problems are one of the best ways to hide from that suspicion. Dream characters don't have real problems. They have to invent problems. The same way they have to invent themselves. The human brain is very inventive. 

söndag, oktober 12, 2008

Transcending the belief in Santa Claus

Everyone who has believed in Santa Claus knows what it's like to transcend a belief. Transcending the belief that you are a separate person, a “Some One” is a related process but much harder to go through - with a strong emphasis on much. When you see for the first time that Santa is nothing but a nice little game, a sweet fairytale, everybody will comfort and support you except for the younger kids who still believe in Santa. They will get angry and defensive and tell you how wrong you are.

What is the connection between Santa and spiritual enlightenment? You better ask what the connection are between Santa and your belief in being a person, a “Some One”? I say they are connected. Anyone who has experienced a deep mystical state knows this. I am here talking about a state where consciousness has transcended the illusion of separation. But when you come back to you normal life after such an experience nobody can comfort and support you. It's common to think that a spiritual teacher or a spiritual community will give you the comfort and support you need. I too believed that for some years but today I see that it is, if not impossible, at least very problematic. The Santa metaphor makes that obvious. 

It always hurts when illusions crumble and die. But at least you can comfort yourself with the fact that you are now disillusioned but more mature than before. This is true for every illusion except the illusion of being a separate person. 

The Santa metaphor also shows that you will still be there as the person you once believed you were. Santa is still there for small children to believe in. They can still send him their wish lists. You will still be there for small children to believe in. The shock comes when you realize that almost everybody are small children – including the illusion of you – you as a separate person. Why should you be different or above anybody else? The answer is – because you want to! Because you are a small child!

After having one or several of these mystical experiences we feel the need to interpret them. What did they mean? A common feature of all the common interpretations is that we have found some kind of higher, deeper and truer dimension in our identity. I say that is the worst possible bullshit human beings ever have made up. We haven't found anything. We have found “No Thing”, “No One”. That's the whole fucking point of any mystical experience. But the bullshit about higher and deeper and truer layers of self is very logical and natural. There are simple no programs in our brain that are not connected to the illusion of a separate self. How could there be? 

When people see that Santa was nothing but a fairytale they don't spend years thinking about the higher, deeper and truer dimensions of Santa Claus. Do they? Most children simply leave it behind and go on about their lives. But when it comes to the belief in being separate persons, we don't simple leave it behind us. But why don't we? Would it even possible? I think it would! And I think this world would become a place much less insane and crazy if we actually left the belief in being separate persons behind us. But in order to do that we have to have the courage of leaving everything that is holy and sacred behind us. And that isn't an easy task. I know. But if we look at all the suffering created by human beings beliefs in sacred and holy things, it could become a bit easier. Could it not? 

This text will contain a series of meditations and affirmations that will commit heresy against many things spiritual seeker see as holy and sacred. How could that be of any help to any one? The answer is – it can not. These meditations will not be of any help to any one. And that is because they will attack the holiest of all our beliefs – the belief in a higher, deeper and truer self that is waiting for you deep inside your heart for you to realize it. Forget it! There is no fucking self! 

lördag, oktober 11, 2008

Self Inquiry and Megalomania

Meditations and Affirmations for No One
I don't like them - but No One does

1. Self Inquiry and Megalomania

A wave on the ocean thinks it's separate, but it's not, it's the ocean. Will such a statement help me find my true nature? Hell no! Such clichés has led me straight into a maze of lies. The Question – who am I – is a dangerous question. If you have tried one or more of the many paths to spiritual enlightenment related to Zen, Advaita or any other mystical tradition, you have either ended up enlightened or like me, confused and frustrated. If you have become enlightened you might as well have become severely deluded. This is not a place and time to criticize other seekers but it's an attempt to say something about what is true by getting rid of some lies. There is not much to say about the truth but there are a lot to say about lies. The truth is not to be found in any mass of words but any mass of word will effectively hide the truth. Will we find the truth if we shut up and become still? That's what's commonly believed by people who practice meditation. But is it really that simple?

I know it's silly to compare our human brains with computers but what if such a comparison could give us a hint about what meditation is. Let's say that our brains are loaded with hundreds of programs with some similarity to computer software. One program for each activity or combination of activities. The programs are continually developed in order to meet new demands. In some individuals this development are very effective and in others it's not so effective and therefore forces these individuals to hide from new demands and possibilities. Let us now suppose that there is a program for an activity called meditation. This program says that if you sit in a certain posture and do nothing except bringing your attention back to the breath when it wanders off, you will get ... what? Improved sex life?

There are of course many answers to the question why we meditate, but the answer I am concerned with here is – Enlightenment. That was the carrot dangling in front of my eyes when I meditated. Of course I noticed some mental and physical benefits on the way but to be honest, I would not have endured so many hours of total boredom if Enlightenment had not been waiting for me somewhere in the future. So what is enlightenment? I hate that question. And I hate all the answers that have been given to me because they have fooled me to believe that I can do a trick that No One can do. The words – No One – are very important here and during the whole text.

One of the answers to the question – what is enlightenment? – is that - I am nothing and therefore everything. I think that answer can be chosen as a representative for all the other answers you might come across – answers like – you are the infinite consciousness where all phenomena appear, play and dissolve again, you are the source of all creation and likewise the summit and goal of all development, you are the Alpha and Omega, the I Am, The groundless ground and bla bla bla ....

What is so interesting here is that none of the programs that run in our brains will ever get the “I am nothing-part” but will immediately go for the “everything-part”. The connection between nothing and everything is something that will make any program crash. This is fixed by putting the label “paradox” on top of the whole thing. This word “paradox” will then function as a protecting shell around the real meaning of the answer. As a result the mind will ignore the nothing part which makes no sense and come to the conclusion that “I am everything”. At least that is what happened to me. I would have been very happy with this “I am everything-consciousness” if I could have managed to ignore a thought that always lurked somewhere in my brain. This little thought was pure doubt and it said – Björn, this is megalomania. I used to laugh at that thought and explain to myself that it might look like megalomania from the perspective of fear. I went on by telling myself that also this fear was a part of everything, something to accept and love and include. Jesus, I was so full of shit back then...

Other people might meditate to get the health benefits but I meditated to get enlightened. I didn't know, and still don't know, what enlightenment was except that it must be something great. So I read book after book about enlightenment to find out. I watched video clips by enlightened teachers, listened to sound clips, attended workshops, Satsangs, retreats etc. Short periods of euphoria, days, weeks, months, were followed by a feeling that something was missing. The more I learned the more confused I got. There seemed to be certain common elements though. Words like surrender, death and rebirth, transcending the ego, seeing through the illusion of separation came back all the time. But I can see now how they all fitted perfectly in the pattern of this on sentence – I am nothing and therefore everything.

Take the concept of surrender – we are told that we must surrender beliefs, opinions, attachments to people, things etc. in order to become “No One”. But the No One-part is not the end of the story. The everything-part is always waiting around the corner. Ok, I can surrender everything because I know that I will get it all back. I never thought that way consciously but I see know that that was the underlying pattern of the whole surrendering-business.

The same pattern applied to the death and rebirth thing. The death part was never a real death for me, just a little trick I did in order to get to the rebirth. The rebirth of something higher, worthier. The rebirth as “everything”. Pure fucking megalomania. What does it mean to transcend the ego? Does it really mean that the ego will die? No, most teachers are wise enough to admit that we need our egos if we want to go on living outside psychiatric institutions. Transcending the ego then means that you let your ego expand to include more and more. That is also the idea behind seeing through the idea of separation. Expansion of ego. Megalomania. What's wrong with megalomania? To find out you can look at all the corrupt Gurus out there in spirituality.

fredag, oktober 10, 2008

The Nothing-real-will-ever-happen-meditation

Great meditation that you can practice when you are bored or restless, when your mind is hungry for something new and exciting. 
Where ever you are, remind yourself that the only thing that will ever happen is 

the dream dreaming itself 
in you, 
outside you, 
as yourself. 

You are a dream dreaming itself. 
You are not real and nothing real will happen to something that's not real. NEVER EVER. period.

torsdag, oktober 09, 2008

How to make yourself accident prone?

I live encapsulated by a cloud of beliefs, interpretations, judgements, and separation – a thick cloud of bullshit. There is nothing but lies in this cloud, including the knower of this fact. That’s the core of the whole issue. The knower of falseness is as false as anything it knows.

It feels like I cannot tell myself this enough times. There is NO WAY OUT of falseness for the knower of falseness. There is no knower.

Today I thought about how important it is to stay with the experience of the world not being real. The importance to hold on to the realization that when we go out of bed in the morning, we keep on dreaming – a different kind of dream. Now I see how futile that idea is. The one experiencing “reality” as a dream is itself a dream. Not separate from what it dreams up. The creator of the dream, the experiencer of the dream  and the dream or ONE. The hope of waking up from the dream is itself a dream.

This is how I believe it to be – you can never wake up, but awakeness itself can shine on you so that the shadow of you disappears. But there is nothing you can do to make that happen. When it happens it’s more like an accident. The car hits you, you don’t hit the car. Ken Wilber use to quote some Zen master who says that awakening is an accident and meditation makes you accident prone.

What kind of meditation makes you accident prone? I am sure there are many ways to meditate that makes you less accident prone.

How to meditate in a way that exposes you to the accident? And what is the accident? Is it termination of separation?

I feel that meditation has to be about letting awareness go where it wants to go. Do what it wants to do. I know meditation is about awareness and I know its not about me. 

onsdag, oktober 08, 2008

Enthralled by some silly experience of an altered state of consciousness

This evening, during a walk by the lakeside, for more than an hour, I had an intense experience of an altered state of conciousness. I noticed something strange already during my lunch-date with my wife. We went for a walk and I couldn’t focus my mind. My attention drifted around like crazy but it wasn’t scary or disturbing, it was just weird, not unpleasant, not pleasant. My attention was free, out on it’s own, exploring, playing. And then, when I went on this walk, a walk I will never forget, this altered state kicked in. I should mention that I listened to some very powerful meditations music on my iPod. It was the first two tracks from the Awakened Mind System CD by Dr. Jeffrey D. Thompson. I think this music changed my brainwaves in a way that prepared me for this experience. Ok, so what happened? Can I describe it? Well, I can at least try.

Suddenly, during my walk, I started to dream, not daydream, but dream. Like at night in bed except I walked along this path by the lakeside. I could feel each step on the ground but I was floating. I moved the way we move in dreams. Floating, swimming, flying, hard to tell. My eyes were open but I didn’t see any real objects like the lake, the trees, houses, nothing I saw was a real object. It was all a dreamscape and I was this dreamscape...... ooooh, mystic stuff......
Why am I writing about this? In a way it’s just silly. The only state of consciousness that interests me is the natural state, the underlying awareness or awakeness. The teachers I have listened to all say the same thing – don’t pay attention to passing altered states. Don’t cling to them. Don’t seek them out. They are no different than drugs. If you want to wake up, flush them down the toilet.

I here I am, enthralled by some silly experience. Bizarre. I might as well go on telling you about this experience. I could still think and interpret what I experienced but the interpreting process had the same dreamy character. An enormous amount of memories started to come up and they all mixed with each other and the surroundings I perceived. Just like when you dream at night. Something that happened 1 year ago seemed as real as something that happened 1 second ago or 10 years ago. No difference at all. Inner and outer pictures had the same character. I actually stopped walking a few times and closed my eyes, opened them, closed them and opened them again and I there was no difference. I suddenly saw with perfect clarity that dreams at night, daydreams and “reality” are exactly the same thing – IT’S ALL A DREAM – NO THING IS REAL.
That was my interpretation. And the music wasn’t the only thing that made the experience possible. Isn’t this exactly what I have been writing about the last couple of weeks – THAT NOTHING IS REAL –

All the versions of Björn, 2 years old, 3 years old, 5, 10, 15, 20, 30 and 39 years old were exactly the same. No difference. They all mixed together. I felt like a little boy walking along that path. And I remembered …………….. I remembered that this experience was my reality when I was a child …………….  

I remember how people around me forced me out of this state, a state that was my natural state back then. They forced me to take things seriously. They forced me to judge some things as important and real and others as unimportant and JUST fantasy. The forced me to believe that my life was real. Forced me to believe that the world I confronted when I got out of bed was more real then the dream-world I left. Of course it was different. Fortunately for me I have never been confused about that. But different doesn’t refer to degrees of reality. But they forced me to believe that. 
I became a normal stupid person. But today I re-entered the perspective I had as a child. But I brought a different interpretation to it. I brought gratitude and appreciation to it. You can’t appreciate heaven if you haven’t visited hell. Something like that.

This whole thing about NOT being in control, not having a free will, made perfect sense. Children don’t try to take control of things. They don’t choose between different options. They just move with the natural flow of things. They play. And you can’t play if you want to be in control. Playing is to release control, to go with the flow.
The concept of BEING HERE NOW made NO sense at all. I didn’t try to become more present. Present in what???
The NOW???
What the hell is the NOW???
My childhood was there and I was back in my childhood, simultaneously. Every point in time was the same thing. TIME. And time wasn’t real.
Well, maybe I shall go into that later – if I remember how it was.

The main point of this whole experience as I interpret it was the DIRECT REALIZATION THAT EVERYTHING IS A DREAM. And with that experience came a sense of WHOLENESS. maybe som holiness to ..... but mostly wholeness.
Oh, this is strange. This experience is still with me. I let my attention drift, I let my thoughts drift, I let myself daydream. Life is a daydream.
Finally, what does this have to do with waking up?

Damn good question…..
I think the answer is in the text I just wrote. Waking up is to realize it’s all a dream – ALL. My search, my attempts to wake up, my attempts to write about this experience. Where is the importance????????

No where .... and everywhere.

söndag, oktober 05, 2008

Don't believe in yourself ... or in anybody else ....

Right now I long for simplicity and I know I will never attain it. My life will never become simple. Life as I know it is form and form is evolving. That’s the nature of form – to multiply – to create – new forms – more forms. I wrote “life as I know it” as if I believed in a future life – maybe a more simple and clear life. But I don’t believe in a future life. I know this life is all I have …. And it won’t get better, there is no hope.


 This longing and hoping for something more simple, more clear, more true, more whole … this longing, this hope, is the carrot Maya holds dangling in front of my nose to make me stay in the dream-state

I have come to see what surrender is really about. Adyashanti, this wonderful teacher made me see it, but it's not until this very moment that I am ready to take it in. Surrender is nothing but a bargain. 

Ok God, I surrender everything and I really expect a huge fucking price when I come to heaven.
The thing with surrender is that it’s worth nothing if you don’t include hope. People can surrender anything, sex, money, fame, friends, family, health, even their lives …….. but there is one thing they will never surrender and that is …………….h…..o…..p……..e

Hoping for a big reward in heaven, Jesus dropping by to tell you what a great soul you are. Or Buddha or Santa Claus. 

Surrender without surrendering the future and all hope is pointless. It’s nothing but a bargain. So whenever people talk about surrender I wonder what their deal with God is. 

I tell you, you can keep all your egoistic shit, everything they want you to surrender, don’t listen to them, keep everything, there is only one thing you have to surrender and that is HOPE.

….. sounds depressing …. :-)

Oh yeh, it is! 

Jed McKenna calls it rational depression… something that is necessary if you want to wake up. Not as something to go through in order to come out the other side as a happy and liberated person. Oh no, there is no way out of rational depression. No way out. 

So what’s the point in surrendering hope?
There is no point to that. Not for you. It’s the end of you….. 
Aha, says the clever ego … it’s the end of me and that means I am going to come out of this thing as different being, totally changed, probably shining with holiness …. Forget it!

Nobody, nothing is going to come out of this depression … you hear me?! NO BODY, NO THING. …. Meaning – no separateness. Nothing is going to arise from the ashes, no Fenix, no saint, no sage or Guru or anything … just…. Everything.

We all know this place of NO SEPARATENESS. We’ve all been there many times. But most of us haven’t stayed for long. Ego is there immediately to “rescue” us from this terrible place of hopelessness, despair and meaninglessness. LIFE HAS TO HAVE MEANING said Victor Frankl. That man must have been very afraid of leaving the dreamstate. What we have to see is that meaning and separateness depend on each other. Take away meaning from a human being and he will wake up out of the dream-state! What makes people commit suicide is not a real experience of what lack of meaning means, it’s the fear of what it might mean. 

I am sitting here and giggling to myself because this whole thing about spiritual awakening is actually so simple. It’s almost ridiculous. All you need to do to wake up is to face three facts.

1. I will never wake up from the dream-state
2. There is no hope for me
3. My life has no meaning

By now I am sure you see why, I just have to repeat it to myself so that I won’t forget it. The hard part is not to face these facts; it’s to stay with them every day, every hour, every minute. 
The initial response to this thing is – if it’s so, why should I leave my bed tomorrow. The answer is – try and see for yourself what will happen. And don’t confuse this awake state with clinical depression. On one hand these states are closely related, on the other hand they are worlds apart. 
To be sure you pick the awake state and not the clinical depression you might want to repeat the theory behind spiritual awakening. I know clinical depression is serious business but so is awakening out of the dream-state.

When you wake up you cease to be a person, a somebody. You become NO ONE – emptiness. This is very simple to understand. We create this separateness moment by moment. We put an enormous amount of mental and emotional energy into this illusionary separateness to make it seem real. What happens with the illusion of separateness when you wake up? Any concept of separateness loses all substance, all reality. It doesn’t go away. And that is very important to see. It’s still there but you see it’s a trick of the mind. You can’t believe in it anymore. You can’t believe in yourself anymore. If someone tells you you have to believe in yourself, or that they believe in you, you just smile the way you smile when small children tell you about Santa Claus. It’s all a game. The Tooth Fairy game, the Santa Claus game or the I-ME-MY game, they are all the same. There is nothing wrong with playing games. Not as long as you know you are playing a game. And you have to play the I-ME-MY game if you want to live outside psychiatric institutions. 

When you become NO ONE you see that you are everything and therefore no separate thing. And when you are everything, what’s the point in hoping for something??? You are already everything you could hope for. Yeah, I know it sounds like a terrible cliché but it’s true. Sorry. Sometimes clichés are true. And isn’t it obvious that “I” as a separate entity depend on the dream-state. When the dream-state is gone – “I” am gone. 

The second and third tenet – there is no hope for me ... and ... my life has no meaning – is not hard to understand when all reality and substance has gone out of the I-ME-MY-game. It’s easy to understand on a conceptual level but to really live it HURTS LIKE HELL. 
Well, it’s because all the emotional energy that has been invested in the separate-me-illusion in order to make it seem real, has to be drawn out of it. It's the drawing out that hurts – it’s a bit like drawing a tooth but on the emotional level. Hope and meaning is what the illusory me is occupying itself with out of fear. Fear of being exposed as an impostor. Fear of being exposed as a lie, as an illusion as a fantasy, as a fairytale….. in other words – fear of dying.The illusion screams - PLEASE HELP, make me real, give me hope, give me meaning. If there is hope and meaning in my life, then i can't be a lie, can I??? Oh, no, please help me, someone....

I am repeating these three tenets to myself as often as I remember. That’s the poison for me. I need poison. Poison to kill the reality of myself. What’s left when you have killed the reality of yourself? There is no way to answer that question – except for saying – come see for yourself.