onsdag, oktober 08, 2008

Enthralled by some silly experience of an altered state of consciousness

This evening, during a walk by the lakeside, for more than an hour, I had an intense experience of an altered state of conciousness. I noticed something strange already during my lunch-date with my wife. We went for a walk and I couldn’t focus my mind. My attention drifted around like crazy but it wasn’t scary or disturbing, it was just weird, not unpleasant, not pleasant. My attention was free, out on it’s own, exploring, playing. And then, when I went on this walk, a walk I will never forget, this altered state kicked in. I should mention that I listened to some very powerful meditations music on my iPod. It was the first two tracks from the Awakened Mind System CD by Dr. Jeffrey D. Thompson. I think this music changed my brainwaves in a way that prepared me for this experience. Ok, so what happened? Can I describe it? Well, I can at least try.

Suddenly, during my walk, I started to dream, not daydream, but dream. Like at night in bed except I walked along this path by the lakeside. I could feel each step on the ground but I was floating. I moved the way we move in dreams. Floating, swimming, flying, hard to tell. My eyes were open but I didn’t see any real objects like the lake, the trees, houses, nothing I saw was a real object. It was all a dreamscape and I was this dreamscape...... ooooh, mystic stuff......
Why am I writing about this? In a way it’s just silly. The only state of consciousness that interests me is the natural state, the underlying awareness or awakeness. The teachers I have listened to all say the same thing – don’t pay attention to passing altered states. Don’t cling to them. Don’t seek them out. They are no different than drugs. If you want to wake up, flush them down the toilet.

I here I am, enthralled by some silly experience. Bizarre. I might as well go on telling you about this experience. I could still think and interpret what I experienced but the interpreting process had the same dreamy character. An enormous amount of memories started to come up and they all mixed with each other and the surroundings I perceived. Just like when you dream at night. Something that happened 1 year ago seemed as real as something that happened 1 second ago or 10 years ago. No difference at all. Inner and outer pictures had the same character. I actually stopped walking a few times and closed my eyes, opened them, closed them and opened them again and I there was no difference. I suddenly saw with perfect clarity that dreams at night, daydreams and “reality” are exactly the same thing – IT’S ALL A DREAM – NO THING IS REAL.
That was my interpretation. And the music wasn’t the only thing that made the experience possible. Isn’t this exactly what I have been writing about the last couple of weeks – THAT NOTHING IS REAL –

All the versions of Björn, 2 years old, 3 years old, 5, 10, 15, 20, 30 and 39 years old were exactly the same. No difference. They all mixed together. I felt like a little boy walking along that path. And I remembered …………….. I remembered that this experience was my reality when I was a child …………….  

I remember how people around me forced me out of this state, a state that was my natural state back then. They forced me to take things seriously. They forced me to judge some things as important and real and others as unimportant and JUST fantasy. The forced me to believe that my life was real. Forced me to believe that the world I confronted when I got out of bed was more real then the dream-world I left. Of course it was different. Fortunately for me I have never been confused about that. But different doesn’t refer to degrees of reality. But they forced me to believe that. 
I became a normal stupid person. But today I re-entered the perspective I had as a child. But I brought a different interpretation to it. I brought gratitude and appreciation to it. You can’t appreciate heaven if you haven’t visited hell. Something like that.

This whole thing about NOT being in control, not having a free will, made perfect sense. Children don’t try to take control of things. They don’t choose between different options. They just move with the natural flow of things. They play. And you can’t play if you want to be in control. Playing is to release control, to go with the flow.
The concept of BEING HERE NOW made NO sense at all. I didn’t try to become more present. Present in what???
The NOW???
What the hell is the NOW???
My childhood was there and I was back in my childhood, simultaneously. Every point in time was the same thing. TIME. And time wasn’t real.
Well, maybe I shall go into that later – if I remember how it was.

The main point of this whole experience as I interpret it was the DIRECT REALIZATION THAT EVERYTHING IS A DREAM. And with that experience came a sense of WHOLENESS. maybe som holiness to ..... but mostly wholeness.
Oh, this is strange. This experience is still with me. I let my attention drift, I let my thoughts drift, I let myself daydream. Life is a daydream.
Finally, what does this have to do with waking up?

Damn good question…..
I think the answer is in the text I just wrote. Waking up is to realize it’s all a dream – ALL. My search, my attempts to wake up, my attempts to write about this experience. Where is the importance????????

No where .... and everywhere.

2 kommentarer:

  1. Interesting!
    I have to tell you about certain memories I have. I can't explain them, I've had them the whole of my life.
    They have to be from past lives. And I have a lot of them. I can tell you about one of them:
    I live in an apartment, rather high up, at least the 5th flat. It's dark and cosy in here, I remember almost everything. The wallpapers, a clock on the wall. How the chairs looked like.The windows. Cross over the street a church, maybe a cathedral. I remember the ringing of the bells. No cars but horses on the street. There are many stables out there.

    And I'm an old man.Very very old. And totally alone. I probably died in that apartment. I think it was in Germany. But I can't remember my name.

    The first time (in my current life) this memory kicked in was when I was a kid, maybe 5 years old. Me and my friend were invited by an old lady living on our street, into her apartment, and I think it reminded me of "my" apartment I just described. And I also think I had some kind of deja-vu like experience then, maybe somewhat similar to yours.

    I had many such experiences when I was a boy, and they were often unpleasant, made me feel sick and dizzy. An altered state of consciousness, yes, really!

  2. yeah, isn't consciousness boundless in time and space!? Time and space becoming like a tiny little shadow inside consciousness. And aren't we consciousness? Who draws the line between my life, your life, past lives, future lives?? We do, we dream up these lines. Maybe it was my past life you experiences Perra? Who can really know? Are we not ONE humanity? Is it possible that our brains are more advanced than cell phones??..... It's all out there - IN HERE. Everything. The cell phone can plug in to billions of conversations. All these conversations are here, right here in front of me, inside me. Billions of conversations are taking place inside me right now as electromagnetic fields. Amazing to think about. All you have to do is to turn in the right frequency. I'm sure it's the same with human thoughts and memories and plans and fear and happiness. It's all inside of us. All the time. Who knows who’s thoughts we are thinking? Who’s dreams we are following? Nobody knows! It's all a vast dreamscape and we are not part of it - WE ARE THAT BOUNDLESS DREAMSCAPE ... are we not? Past lives, future lives, of course it's all here right now.
    Do you have to own that experience Perra, the one you describe with the old man in the apartment? What if it's just one reference point in the dreamscape. One out of an infinite number of reference points. What if we have access to them all? Maybe it's not YOUR past life you saw; maybe it was just A PAST LIFE, or a future life. Maybe it was MY future life you saw???? Maybe we will go back to using horses on the streets?
    Well, as you probably understand, I have an issue with the idea of reincarnation. I don't believe in it. But I don't know. How could I know? What I see though is that the idea of being a separate being that reincarnates is very appealing to my ego. And I know that the idea of "when you die it's over" is something that my ego does not like. The mere thought of complete extinction makes my ego tremble...