torsdag, oktober 23, 2008

Post-verbal Life Practice - Intro

Something strange has happened - again. Words of wisdom mean nothing to me today. I experience all words as equally empty. I can see right through them and so can you – if you want – if you dare to. Spoken words are funny sounds. We all remember that experience. The pre-verbal state before we learned a language. The state I am in is similar but yet different. This is the post-verbal state. I know words can be powerful. They can make your heart beat faster. They can start a fight. But only as long as you believe in them. Most people I know believe in words – which amazes me. What's equally amazing is that I myself believed in words. Only yesterday I believed in words. But today they are all transparent. Transparent is not the perfect word to describe this, but what the hell... they are all empty anyway. This state might be a phenomenon caused by a chemical change in my brain. I still know what the words mean. - Could you please pass the bread – I know what that means and I will still pass the bread when asked to.

I visited a New Age bookshop today in Stockholm – Vattumannen (The Aquarius). All those books on the shelves had lost their meaning to me. I used to love them but today they were like empty shells. I pulled out some books and flipped through the pages – what is this? – I asked myself – what did I see in all these books? They used to be filled with maps that could lead me to the treasure at the end of the rainbow. The Rainbow. Good metaphor. All these words of wisdom. Beautiful forms. Forms of vibrations in the air. Black forms on white paper – lining up in straight lines. Cool... But nothing more.

I have finally returned home. Home - to me - is where words are like rainbows. Transparent. Beautiful. Cool ...

I am glad I still know what the words mean to those who believe in them. The word bizarre is a good word. To see other people form all these words and actually believe they mean something seems bizarre to me. Bizarre to me the same way my words are bizarre to you (if you still believe in words)

I notice another strange thing in myself. I experience no wish to convince you that my experience is right, true, better than yours, whatever.... Believing in words is not a problem to me. It's just bizarre. Funny. I hope people will continue to believe in words because I find it funny and entertaining to observe. It's a great show. The belief in words is the root cause of most conflicts. Other peoples conflicts are not a problem for me. Conflicts are just bizarre.

People produce millions of words expressing the wish to end their inner and outer conflicts. All these words makes no difference - neither to me - nor to them. People believe in exchanging negative words for positive words – hostile words for friendly words – but the negative and hostile words are not the problem. Is there a problem? No, I don't think so. I think inner and outer conflicts are fascinating spectacles.

I notice this new and strange feeling in myself – the feeling that human conflicts and suffering are not a problem to me. Conflict used to represent a problem to be solved. But not anymore. I think it has to do with some chemical change in my brain. What I call "my self" is nothing but a story I tell myself, a story built by many words. When words lose their reality, my self loses it's reality as well. So, how can something be a problem to me if this “me” is not real? Bizarre.... but it feels true. Seeing that the story I call “my self” consists of nothing but funny sounds is totally liberating. Liberating to no one. It does not make sense when put into words but in the post-verbal state it makes all the sense in the world.

I am not new to this post-verbal state. Neither are you. I've been there for short visits -seconds, minutes, hours at most. I'm sure you've been there too. Why did I go back to the verbal state? That is the question.

The pull of the verbal state

Tell me I am an idiot, and I will not go back to the verbal state. But tell me you love me – and the pull will be really strong. But not today. I am already in love with every single atom in the Universe. And all the atoms are in love with me. It wouldn't make any difference if you told me you love me. How could you not ... ?

I know
this sounds like bad mystic poetry to someone in the verbal state. But it's true. But as soon as this mystic state subsides, as it has always done before, I might again become an easy victim to sweet words like “I love you” and “you are wonderful”. But today I don't need to be wonderful. Everything is wonderful and magic. That's how it is here in the post-verbal state. Doesn't mean I wouldn't scream if you hit me with a hammer on the head. It just means that this body would scream and feel pain. The "verbal me” in my head would not jump in and create suffering. Poor me, why are people so stupid and violent? - what's wrong with this society? Nothing would be there but pain. And pain is not a problem in the post-verbal state. It's just pain. Everything is in love ... even pain. Now I leave the stage of bad mystic poetry and move down to stinking spiritual clichés – everything is love. But it's true.

How can I produce all these words without believing in them? Right now, do I believe the words I write?

No. Honestly. I don't. Not a word.

Why am I writing these words?

Because I know this post-verbal state is supported by a corresponding electro-chemical state in my brain. And the question is not if this state will change, the question is when....

... and when it changes, I will again run the risk of starting to believe in words. And with the belief in words everything else will follow – the belief in "me" – and "you" – and past – and future – and hope – and fear – and good – and bad.
If this happens, I will again be “out of love”. And when I am out of love I will start to believe I need love, and start doing all kinds of strange things to get love.

This scenario will most likely happen. Thats' the great thing with being in the post-verbal state, you can be realistic and simultaneously crazy in love with every single atom in the Universe.

And when I fall out of love I will return to this text. Actually, there is no “me” that can ever fall out of love. It would be more correct to say – when I am reborn as a verbal self.

Entering the verbal state is like being born. - the birth of the verbal “me”.

Entering the post-verbal state is like dying – the death of the verbal “me”.

So, the day I will born again, as a verbal me and return to this text, what will I need?

The verbal “me” will need words. The spell of words is created by words and also broken by words.

What words will brake the spell?

1. The first step is to go to a place where people are gathered and look at them. It could be a street in the city, a supermarket, a train station. It's easier if it's a place where people don't talk to each other too much. That enables you to “see” the voices in their heads. The inner voices that create the verbal self - moment to moment. In almost every head you see words are produced. Produced by no one. Stories are created. Stories about “me” and “you”. Stories about what this “me” needs from “you”.. And you can see in peoples eyes that they believe these stories. They believe every word of it. And you can see how this belief affects their bodies. A word for this is self contraction. When the verbal “me-story” is believed you can see how the body contracts around this “me-story”. When you see how bizarre this is, you are on the right track. Remember, you are out of love. Don't feel bad if you look at people without love. It's only natural. Remember, in the verbal state, you are out of love. Don't feel bad if you see people as ridiculous ghosts. What you see is ridiculous.

2. The next step is to see your own verbal “me” and to kill the reality of it. It's the suicide of the verbal “me”.

I will come back here and add further instructions on how to perform these two first steps.

3. The third step will be to listen to a dialog between two persons. This is harder than just observing people when they are quiet. Otherwise the process here is the same. We are deeply conditioned to believe in spoken words. Breaking this habit will provoke reactions of fear in your body. What if the other person is saying something that is important for your survival – like, - there is a bomb in the cellar that will explode in twenty seconds, we've better run!!

But you have to be cold and heartless here. You have to remind yourself that if the price of getting out of the verbal state is your life, you are prepared to pay it. And that is actually literally true. We have to kill the “verbal me” in order to access the post verbal state.

3b. In this third step you will experience a state of total alienation. You are no longer part of this world. What other people think is important has no meaning to you. To think like that may feel wrong. See that it actually is wrong – from the viewpoint of someone in the verbal state. But it's the only right thing if you are serious about entering the post verbal state.

3c. This alienated attitude will provoke a state of depression in you. But remember that this depression is something you have to go through. Everything you value, like meaning and hope etc. - are nothing but stories you can no longer believe in. The very “me” that used to value meaning and hope is now seen to be unreal. Not getting depressed when facing these facts is impossible.

4. When the verbal me is dead, you can enter the post-verbal state. What are you going to do in this post-verbal state? That question has no longer any meaning since there is no “me” there who can do things. The “me” is gone. Meditation will become spontaneous. Meditation will be the most natural way to celebrate life. But not the only. You can still participate in life and do things. And everything will become magical. Even the words you hear. If they come from you or someone else will make no difference, words will be one of countless miracles to enjoy.

But sitting in meditation will be the greatest joy of them all. The truest expression of being. At least in the beginning. It will also be the most powerful way to prevent your verbal me from being reborn.

But if the verbal me is reborn, that is no catastrophe, all you have to do is to return to this text and start the process again.

How long will this whole four-step-process take? Impossible to say. I can take a week, a day, a few minutes or a few seconds. It could even take many years. Som steps are harder and you can get stuck there. Like I did. The alienation and the depression took a lot of time for me to go through. I will see tomorrow. I will probably fall out of love and be born as the verbal me several times during one single day. That is how it works. And everytime the verbal me will commit suicide. Strange....

DISCLAIMER: This text is my own letter to the verbal me that will be reborn. When I write "you" I mean my future "verbal me". 
I have no idea how your process will look like. This was my process. This is how my brain is wired - how I function. This is what I will probably have to go through again and again. 

15 kommentarer:

  1. Three things.

    For someone who feels words are empty, this post is full of them!

    But I do know what you mean. I too have had the same feeling at time. Maybe not as strong as you. Except with pop music. I used to be a huge Bob Dylan fan, but still haven't finished listening to his latest bootleg series. His words seem... empty.

    But I do still love writing them. It's a pleasant dream activity.

    SvaraRadera
  2. Greg!
    This "verbal me" or dream character Björn, is is never telling the truth. I'm nothing but layers of lies - all the way down. Language can never express something even close to the truth. Still, I think language can break the spell of the verbal state. This post will remind me of how to break that spell.

    SvaraRadera
  3. Känner mycket väl igen detta, och associerade till några citat jag samlat på mig: Det ger mig av någon anledning fortfarande en stor tillfredsställelse att se dem bredvid varandra så här:

    "The moment you start talking you create a verbal universe, a universe of words, ideas, concepts and abstractions, interwoven and interdependent, most wonderfully generating, supporting and explaining each other and yet all without essence or substance, mere creations of the mind. Words create words, reality is silent."
    - Nisargadatta Maharaj

    "God exists, if only in the form of a meme with high survival value, or infective power, in the environment provided by human culture."
    - Richard Dawkins

    "In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God."
    - John 1:1-5

    "There is no difference between Krishna and His name."
    - ISKCON

    SvaraRadera
  4. Ju tystare vi är, desto mer sanna blir vi. Känner också igen mycket av din process, speciellt när jag tittar utåt på samhället i stort som ter sig som en löjlig TV-såpa med en massa "viktigpettrar". Ens egen inre process varierar med tilliten och relationerna man har, tycker jag för mig. Så bra att ha en egen liten minneslappa så här!

    SvaraRadera
  5. anonym!
    Håller med om att just dessa citat tillsammans har en skrämmande sprängstyrka. Ser nu tydligt varför Meister Eckhart pratade om att döda Gud. ... undrar varför kyrkan inte helgonförklarade honom?...
    Sann andlighet är ikonoklastisk... fint jävla ord, Eckhart Tolle använder det, jag slog upp det och bham, ett ljus gick upp. Såhär är det. Berätta för mig om det du tycker är finast och värdefullast i livet och jag skall slå sönder det. För du måste vidare .... en av Jeds käpphästar ... FURTHER. Funderar just över hur man skall slå sönder ikonen Jed McKenna. Förslag? ... :-)

    SvaraRadera
  6. Telluselle!
    "...ens egen inre process varierar med tilliten och relationerna man har..." intressant. Vilka relationer bromsar? Det tycker jag är intressant att fundera över. Dom dåliga relationerna är inget hinder. Det är dom bra som lömska. Vem vill se igenom sina nära och kära? Transparensen minskar när pulsen ökar ... eller hur ser du på detta?

    SvaraRadera
  7. Nu känner jag den där barnsliga citeringslusten komma över mig igen. Förlåt mig, Amber (från sentient.org):

    "Why try to quiet your mind with spiritual practice? The mind’s function is noise - let it natter away. Its coming and goings have nothing to do with you. Really now, the only mind that is forever still is a dead one "

    Att slå sönder en ikon som aldrig existerat förutom i den egna fantasin verkar väl för övrigt lite onödigt. Men det kan man väl då i så fall säga om allt.

    SvaraRadera
  8. Jag får en tanke och därmed en känsla, jag sätter ord på dem och manifesterar känslan tydligare. Utan tanken ingen känsla, tomhet. Men det är mycket korta stunder där tomhet finns. Jag kan däremot välja vad jag tänker och därmed skapa min egen lycka/sorg.

    Jag använder orden för att förstå intellektuellt varför jag är där jag är just nu. Jag tror att det finns en orsak, något att lära av allt. Släppa taget!! To let go, to go with the flow.

    Känslor har för mig varit något jag inte har haft kontakt med förr men har mer i dag. Det är som en gåta att lösa. Samtidigt som det är skitjobbigt med känslor som känns negativa så är de intressanta att titta på.

    Tack för din kommentar, jag följer din blogg också.

    Spiritlight

    SvaraRadera
  9. anonym!
    Jag får många bra länkar av dig! Tack! sentient.org skall jag återkomma till ... OM INTE ... jag äntligen fattar en grej som stod där. citerar:
    "On my journey, reading the words from others has been very helpful, either in a book or on the net. At some point though, it’s enough. The mind ends its love affair with words and concepts and embarks on new adventures, seeking new challenges and ways to experience this life. The mind evolves, the personality evolves, the body evolves, all in a continuous flux of change. . . . Over the past year my attention has not been on this website, or on cyber-satsang, or nondual discussions. It has all become an experience of the past. Lovely in its rise, inspiring in its glory and uninteresting in its decay."
    –Mira Baartmans

    Skall lyfta fram detta som en post. Kommer behöva påminna mig om detta. Helt i linje med var jag är nu. Men här är inte lätt att vara - här är fan omöjligt att vara - vilket kanske är själva poängen. Det finns ingen jävla Björn i sanningen. Han finns i lögnen - HAN ÄR LÖGNEN.
    Den här Mira kom till Game Over. Hon är borta från nätet, från Satsang-cirkusen. GONE. Många snackar om Game Over. Men är det verkligen Game Over så länge man snackar om det? Är det inte en sorts förhalning? Typ vad jag sysslar med just nu... Ja, jag vet. Jag är så jävla nära, har varit det så länge, och ju närmare jag kommer desto fegare blir jag. Så jag backar lite, och känner mig kaxigare. Så där håller jag på. Hur länge?
    Och så detta med ikonen Jed - hur man tar död på den? Jaa, vilken jävla fråga :-)

    SvaraRadera
  10. Spiritlight!
    Hur gör du när du väljer vad du tänker? Du skriver att du kan det. Berätta för mig, för jag vet verkligen inte hur man gör! Jag har studerat den där processen med mer nyfikenhet än jag uppbådat för något annat. Men jag får inte ihop det. Det är detaljerna som räknas här vet du. Jag snackar detaljnivå. Hur gör du på detaljnivå när du väljer din nästa tanke?

    SvaraRadera
  11. Jag menar att min egen rädsla ibland sätter käppar i hjulet för mig själv - när rädslan blir överhängande och t ex kroppen går i försvar fortare än jag hinner tänka. Så det handlar mer om tillit till mig själv än andra; att också detta klarar jag. Appropå att välja tankar är det när jag stannar upp och bevittnar som en paus uppkommer - efter pausen kan jag välja en ny med mer positiv klang - tex en fantasi eller ett minne. Om mina rädslo-instinkter då får vila och känner tillit kan jag även påverka mina känslor positivt.

    SvaraRadera
  12. PS. Jag ser igenom allt och alla alltid; oavsett typ av relation. Jag vet bara inte alltid vad jag ska göra med informationen jag ser ;)

    SvaraRadera
  13. Telluselle!
    ok, kan rädsla vara ett starkt behov av kontroll? Du säger att "motgiftet" är tillit. Det tror jag också. En passion för paradoxer hjälper också till. Det jag tänkte svara dig med här mynnade ut i paradoxer. Ner i djupet. Paradoxer är djup. Det är endast på ytan man får ihop saker. Kan det vara så?

    SvaraRadera
  14. Det låter trovärdigt - rädsla/kontroll. Är inte helandet ett sätt att få paradoxerna i vårt djup att förenas?

    SvaraRadera
  15. Telluselle!
    Okej, att förena paradoxer ... hmmm. Jag tror att hemligheten är att lösa paradoxerna på ett ny nivå (du vet, alla citerar Einstein) Nej, men paradoxerna ligger på språkets nivå så att när man kommer till en nivå "ovan" språket finns dom inte längre. Eller nåt.... :-)

    SvaraRadera

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