torsdag, oktober 30, 2008

The question - what does this mean? - is my zen koan

The need to invent meaning is gone. Meaning can never be found, it can only be invented. Why was I scared of this world of meaning-transparency? Why did I invent meaning all the time, and how could I ever believe this web of “meaning” to be true? It's a damned mystery! My inner urge to write a spiritual book and to teach is gone, and that is only natural. In order to teach you have to invent some meaning to the teaching thing.

My life has lost all meaning and it has become all empty. Is that bad? To say it's bad is to answer the question – what does this mean? And my need to answer that question is gone. What does it mean when I say that my life has become all empty? No language can describe this world except paradoxical pointers. And my interest in paradoxical pointers is gone. I don't need them any more. All I need is to remind myself that all possible answers to the question – WHAT DOES THIS MEAN? - are invented by my mind. It's not a theory, I can see it, moment by moment, how the mind invents a meaning. There is nothing wrong with this process of inventing meaning. Maybe the question – what does this mean? - is all about the survival of this body – which would be another meaning – another invention of my mind.

There is not much to write anymore. What are my plans for today and why? What are my goals? Ha ha ha .....

It's so strange. My need to answer these questions are gone. It's like for the first time, I can see how the sense of a separate self (called Björn) arises moment by moment. It arises together with the answers to the question – What does this mean – moment by moment .....

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